Digging in the mud

15 04 2008

My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug their own cisterns, broken cisterns that cannot hold water. Jeremiah 2:13

Have you found yourself digging in the mud, desperately searching for water? Have you walked away from the spring of living water and given your life to something that has left you broken and empty?

For me this something was an eating disorder.

In my heart, I always knew that anorexia was a rejection of Jesus. I understood that God loved me and that Jesus had sacrificed his life in my place. But I believed that being thin and beautiful was important. I wanted to be loved, desired, and accepted. I wanted to feel safety and comfort. I wanted to be happy. And deep in my heart, I believed that God wanted me to be miserable. I walked away from God and into the muddy pit of an eating disorder. I believed that the eating disorder could give me the desires of my heart.

And for a while, it did.

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